Anxiety Is a Plus
Through my on-and-off experience as an anxiety sufferer, my panic attacks usually happen as a reaction to events in my life. Most of the time, it is a delayed reaction. It’s either a warning to slow down, or do less, and set stronger boundaries. It can also be a reaction to ignoring my intuition, and harbouring unprocessed emotional trauma. As a key point, knowing what brings it on is actually the resolution for making it subside.
Although thunderstorms have always made me feel uneasy as a kid, it wasn’t a cause for serious anxiety until one year, hailstones the size of golf balls, smashed windows in our home. One minute, we felt safe in our home, and the next minute, we didn’t. It disturbed the peace. It messed with the idea that our home is our safe place.
I don’t think I need to explain why my kids’ health causes anxiety for me. My two boys are my life and I don’t want them to suffer — a normal parenting concern, right? When my kid was unwell the other night, I felt my body doing its panicking thing, and I took longer than usual to calm myself down. In hindsight, it wasn’t just about the uncertainty of my child’s health, it was also about going through it alone — as a single parent.
I knew that I needed to reassess my tactics if I wanted to have better health in the long term; I don’t want to wear out my adrenal glands — something that my mother suffers from. I also didn’t want my main fears to break out into sub-fears, so that eventually I’m living in fear of… life.
My first step, as far as better tactics in my 40s was concerned, was writing this piece.
I’ve heard parents say they don’t want to have more children because they don’t want to raise a child in today’s horrific world. I’ve got empathy for this — there’s a lot of bad out there. However, these are fear-based thoughts that are determining such a decision. There’s still a lot of good out there, too.
For me, anxiety boils down to chaos, and in some cases — trauma, and it’s about my body’s ability to cope with chaos and trauma. Anxiety is my internal messaging system and a progress counter. This is a plus.
My reaction to chaos and my sensitivity to it contributes to my individuality. This sensitivity powers my connection to the universe and others, it enhances my ability to empathise, and I ultimately believe that it makes me a better writer, and explains why I am drawn to stories.
Being affected by chaos reaffirms that I still care. It reminds me of the causes that I am passionate about. It inspires advocacy for change. This is another plus.
My panicking can transition into an anxiety attack when I feel helpless and uncomfortable with uncertainty. I generally feel this way when I am not feeling balanced emotionally and I don’t have enough information about the matter at hand. What I need to learn to focus on is what is able to be helped — what are the factors that I can actually do something about?
It’s difficult to have this mindset when your body is riddled with thoughts of worst-case-scenarios that make you feel like you’re not going to get through it. It is then that I need to self-soothe.
Over the years, the following tips have helped me. Not all are convenient when you’re having an anxiety attack — some are better for a longer term strategy…
Rescue Remedy. This is a natural stress relief and is a combination of Bach flower remedies. It works to calm the nerves, and is available at most reputable chemists.
Having a calm, logical person beside me reassuring that everything is going to be okay. The company you keep matters here.
An effective, physical self-soothing technique. I used to sit down and put my head between my knees, and breathe deeply. What seems to work better for me lately is putting one hand on my heart and the other on my belly and breathing deeply. Best if your hands are against your bare skin.
Prayer — if you’re that way inclined.
Meditation. This is probably my least effective as it sometimes intensifies my emotions. Everyone has different experiences; experiment with different meditation techniques to find what works best.
Books like You Can Heal Your Life by Louse Hay, The Wisdom of Anxiety by Sheryl Paul and Letting Go by David R Hawkins.
A mantra. My favourite is a Louise Hay quote: “All is well. Everything is working out for my highest good. Out of this situation only good will come. I am safe.”
Being in contact with a support group.
Connecting with nature, such as taking a dip in the ocean — the saltwater is purifying. While going for a walk can help to shift my thoughts, standing bare-feet in soil has been an incredible way to get grounded instantly.
One of the above tips will usually nip my anxiety in the bud, other times I need to practice multiple tips simultaneously. I am lucky that my anxiety is manageable. Some of my worst days were during high school — this was when I started going to a support group and learnt about meditation.
My goal is to get better with my mindset during an attack. I want to be able to pass on nifty fear-combatting techniques and worry-crushing tips to my kids.
Furthermore, if anxiety equals chaos to me, can peace and chaos coexist?
I suppose you can’t really appreciate one without the other. Both make the world go ‘round but we should teach ourselves to live with both. Chaos teaches us to survive. Peace and love carry each other.
When I look at the supporting image — the initially menacing feel of the cloudscape — what I can appreciate is the light and shade. Contrasts, which I interpret as the co-existence of chaos and peace.
Another glance at this cloudscape tells me that it’s okay to bring more children into the world. Children can be our hope for the advocacy of change — although we know to start that change within. Don’t we?
